stagepunk5

10:37 pm: She was diagnosed on a Friday,
the kids were almost home,
the kids were on their way back home from school,
lying face down in the gutter
of unaccomplished dreams
and broken memories of things to come,
"Sorry ma'am, I really am.
I had to break the news.
I had to make the phone call to tell you that you're due,
you know where,
I'll tell you when,
and I suggest you start living these next three weeks,
the best way that you can."
Every night for three long weeks,
she'd roam the hallways half asleep
and as the footsteps fade away
in my mind, I could swear,
I could swear, I heard her say:
Don't wait for me,
I've got a lot to do I've got a lot to be
and in the end maybe I'll see you there.

Lost her strength on a saturday.
Spent the day in bed.
Yeah, I'm fine, it's just the flu she said
with a smile,
but when they turned their backs,
the tears would flow.
She knew she only had a while
to live
to breathe
to see
to be
to bleed
to stand on her own two weakened feet
"and so I pray everyday:
DON'T TAKE MY MOTHER AWAY"

Every night for three long weeks,
she'd roam the hallways half asleep
and as the footsteps fade away
in my mind, I could swear,
I could swear, I heard her say:
Don't wait for me,
I've got a lot to do I've got a lot to be
and in the end maybe I'll see you there.

and in the end maybe i'll see you there.
You know i'll see you there
and in the end
i'll see you there.

11:48 pm: ow.
i was off for a couple days so i went over to dad's. today we went fishing and i got a little sunburned but, it's not bad (compared to last year... nothing can be worse). and i can still move around since i wasn't half naked in a swimming suit.

i work tomorrow at 7am and i should be sleeping but i'm so damn paranoid cuz my older brother said he killed like 5 brown recluses in our garage and found some spider like eggs in his clothes... aaaaaaaaah. i fuckin can't sleep now cuz i think they're in my bed. he sucks.

i'm going to attempt sleeping.

damn spiders.

12:04 am: another good night at work. carey and chrissy think i'm catching on. apparently one of the guys that was hired isn't doing so well. usually i'm the one they talk about not doing well... yaaaaaaaay. tonight i was taking all sorts of 911 calls. (they don't scare me) but i haven't had a hysterical one yet. all the calls i get is a friend/mom/sister calling for the person who is screaming (or crying for that matter) in the background. i got a call from some guy who works at hucks. he called in for a gas drive 3 hours after it happened and he spoke broken english so i could barely understand what the guy said. after i found out it happened 3 hours ago i asked him, "if it happened three hours ago, why are you calling us now?"... thinking in my head... why are you calling 911? apparently, the "theif" was going to come back with the money and never did. duh. this guy was just walked all over...

the play is - going - nothing too much going on right now except i need to start getting sound together cuz i'm sound designing. it's gonna be cute. go to this link to find out more...

http://www.act-inc-stlouis.org

my friends dan and natasha are in it. the rest of the cast is kool too. anna blair is hilarious and a pleasure to work with. well, come see the show!

01:24 am: it's been two weeks and i think i'm getting used to this whole dispatching bit. it's kind of creepy cuz when i listen to my police scanner... i know EXACTLY what they are saying. i went to the police academy for a 16 hour course (which i was paid for) and i learned more than i have from any other course i have ever taken in anything. it was awesome. i was never bored. it kind of freaks me out when i heard the stories of suicidal people calling up cuz i don't know what i would do in that situation. so every time our 911 phone rings i hesitate to pick it up. but i'm learning that the only way to learn how to deal with certain situations is to actually experience them. and so, i have dealt with car accidents, sick cases, alarm soundings, burglaries and stealings... of course i always end up with the p/o'd people who get an attitude with me about something but i deal with them very very well and it's actually entertaining to me. and then i get the super nice people (neighborhood watch people are awesome, tonight one guy called up about a suspicious truck that kept circling his street and he called back to tell me what street he turned on and our guys actually found him and pulled him over). but anywayz, i'm getting used to everything. it's like speaking a whole new language and apparently i have a knack for it.

i also get to celebrate tomorrow with my first big check that i received today. it's huuuuuuuuuuuuuge. i turned to my boss today and said, "thanks sarge, that's the most money i've had in my name allllll year." hehe. i have to buy my dad something huge. i owe him big time.

meanwhile, my dog has an appt. to see her doctor on monday because i caught her chewing on the siding today. i told her no and she knew what she did was a huge NO. i even sprayed the siding with this "no chew" crap that smells horrible and is supposed to keep dogs, cats, horses, flies... basically anything that breathes air... from coming near it. well, i went to check on her 15 min. later and she was chewing on something in the middle of the yard. it turned out to be a chunk of siding the size of a dollar bill. she's such a brat! she took off running with the piece of siding in her mouth. so that was it with me... i was furious. i have tried bones, chews, toys, spray, gates to keep her away from the house, everything!!! i called up her vet and they told me she best be checked out by the doctor to see if she needs medication. she needs something... maybe an adderal (sp?) or something.

but i still love my puppy. even though she's a pain in the ass and she destroys everything.

well, i'm gonna get some sleep. i just took two advil allergy pills cuz i drank some tropical juice and like 5 hours later my tongue and cheeks swelled up and i was talking with a lisp. i hate being allergic to tropical fruit. that's so gay. but oh well, i'm drowsy now. niiiiiiiiight.

12:00 am: yay!!!!!!!
today was my first day at ferguson. this is serious business. i got an ID card and everything... it's so kick ass. and i'm making way more than i thought i was going to make... all week i'm working everyday - 8 hour shifts with carey who is training me. i am so totally psyched.

today was just an observation day... i sat and watched and listened. i got to listen in on the 911 calls... very interesting.

i also met our k-9 unit... our dog's name is flick and i love him. he's a huge 10 yr. old german shepherd... super smart dog and so awesome.

the people are patient... i love it there already. i just need to catch on to the computer programs... my boss is awesome. we're convinced that he has adult add cuz he never sits still... reminds me of some of my friends (hahahaha) i truly believe that all of us fontbonne people have some sort of add problem


but anywayz. this rocks... i go back tomorrow and it just rocks... i think i'll stay with this department for a very long time.

01:15 pm: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
omg this is so freaking awesome.

i just got a really good, stable, non-seasonal, exciting job.

i am now a part time police dispatcher for ferguson. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. i'll be getting $10-12 an hour which totally rocks to some of my past jobs. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. i am so happy cuz i am going to have money.

first thing i'm going to do is send all the friends who bought me stuff (food... mainly fontbonne people) they're getting 20 dollars. yaaaaaaaaaaay.

and then i'm going to save for a new car and then after that i'm going to have money for rent!

i'm thinking about a newish red VW beetle... i think they kick ass... any more car suggestions?

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. :0)

03:28 pm: yaaaaaaay!
wow. this summer is totally kicking the ass of last summer...

my stage managing started yesterday, we had a read thru and the cast is adorable, the script is adorable, i think it's going to be one of those "cutesy" shows.

meanwhile, disney hired me for the month of june and that was kool but now-

ferguson (fergy) called me back! i have an interview with the chief of police tomorrow morning (oooooo) hehe, if i get this job i will be so exstatically happy. omg, i wouldn't have to be broke! i would get a new car and pay all my friends back and omg it would be so great!

and tonight i'm going to my cousins kindergarten graduation and to a hockey game to meet a guy... and tomorrow i'm going to see rory's show with jenn, dan and annie - my fontbonne people vanished for a couple weeks but i found them. mwuhaha

aaaaaaah this is so freaking awesome! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

06:30 pm: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
i won't be on here a lot cuz my computer just decided to die on me one night. :0( but i did have two job interviews... hopefully i get lots of money to bring it back to life and buy like... a new car... or something.

-trisha

**if you love me, you'll call my cellphone**

07:43 pm: oh wow
well, isn't this a coincidence?

city of ferguson called me today (about the dispatching job) but sadly... they didn't leave a message cuz our phone line is messed up and severly staticing.

also, the disney store called me for an interview on my cell phone. this kicks ass but i think i'm gonna try for the dispatching job first, more money and it's not seasonal... plus i get to work at night.

so i hope i get one of these jobs.

02:31 pm: when i get some money...
if i were to obtain some money i would buy...

-some food
-more blank cd
-stuff to make my computer run faster
-more room on my puter
-some photo editing programs
-some photo paper
-a new cd burner
-hell... how bout a new computer all together.
-a new car
-batteries
-whatever it takes to hook up my cvhs to my computer
-a movie making program
-some polymer clay
-a labtop
-some clothes
-ice cream
-blank video tapes
-some dvds
-a new tv
-picture frames
-an apartment... or enough money to pay holly rent
-some stuff for the puppy
-a new binder for my script
-a digital camera
-candy
-new shoes
-bubbles (preferbly edible)
-some kick ass books
-a down comforter
-some new pillows


i need a job...

11:17 pm: aaaaaaaaah.
i have had approx. 10 hours of sleep this entire week. i'm running on mt. dew, coffee, stay awake pills... etc. etc. i am so sleep deprived that i'm starting to see things and i make absolutly no sense when i talk. but, i had one hell of a time.

we pulled all nighters basically every day this week because of all the projects do (especially for lighting design which is over... thank god). i love all my theatre people. LOVE THEM. this whole week has been awesome and we seriously had some serious bondage... hehe i mean bonding. (i said i was sleepy).

we got so fuckin hyper and did things from cheorograph a dance to rory and anne's lighting design piece... have a 20 min. convo about hairy nipples (this was between jenn and dan and i)... belt out moulin rouge... play with puppies, blah blah blah. it was a hella fun. end of story.

anyways. so act inc. (this professional acting company) is doing the play (not musical... the play) meet me in st. louis and is renting out our black box. i was seriously upset cuz i wanted to audition but all this shit was going on and i was too lazy to try. well, dan and natasha ended up getting parts in it (this is over the summer btw)

and then one morning deanna calls me into her office (shes the head of the fine arts dept.) and tells me that the people from act inc want me to stage manage their show. apparently these people are the brother and sister in law of rob grumich, my teacher from highschools husband. they did tech work for cinderella and i worked really close with them. they sent deanna an email trying to find me and told her they really wanted me to stage manage and that they hoped i would blah blah blah.

might i add it's a paid position... plus i get kick ass experience stage managing and plus i still get to hang out with my buddies... yaaaaaaaay. dan is happy. he told me i have the right temperment for stage managing... i'm calm and nice.

then today they announced who's doing the tech for the shows next year. and boy was i surprised. i'm gonna be one busy girl. after this meet me in st. louis, we come back to school and i am the assistant stage manager for diana of dobsons. my friend jenny is the stage manager which works out well cuz we can work together. then is rory's show which i might design sound for then there's A MUSICAL... (rare for fontbonne but it's gonna be awesome) BATBOY. and i get to STAGEMANAGE it. i am so excited. then there's katie's show which i'm assistant stage manager/assistant director for. then there's the rose tattoo which i'm assistant director for (another huge YAY because i get to work with deanna who is an excellent director) and i get to design sound. and finally the one acts which i'm designing sound for and i actually can audition for...

whew. it's crazy but, i can't wait because it's what i love to do.

anywayz. i have to send my lighting design prof. a paper over email and then i get to sleep. niiiiiiiiight.

10:04 pm: i'm just as bored... and too lazy to do homework.
credit for the next boring post goes to sparkleferret... i'm bored too.

1.Go into your LJ's archives.
2.Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3.Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4.Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
"i didn't even know we were on 55 till i started to recognize the exits that i passed when going to scotts apt."

FIRSTS
First job:babysitting four kids... first real job, foodrunner at copperuz
First screen name: tgdancerrr (turtle girl, dancer, ryan reynolds... he's hot... still.)
First funeral: probably some great aunt or uncle, first one i can remember - grandma's
First pet:mitzy, an old english sheepdog
First piercing/tattoo: ears, first grade
First credit card: haha that's funny.
First Kiss: fourth grade?...? in the summer some time
First one that mattered: in the pool, sophmore year... pizza breath - niiiice. *bleh.*
First love: redneck joe... (somebody should've slapped me)
First enemy: wow. umm... ?
First big trip:i was a florida baby, every year kids, that's a long ass drive
First concert:i want to say it was a pointfest but i swear there was something before that.

LASTS
Last car ride: 10 minutes ago, from dad's to mom's
Last kiss: from scott.
Last library book checked out: some sculpting book.
Last movie watched: man on the moon
Last beverage drank:orange soda
Last food consumed:mexican at el mauaugfghis... with jenn and noelle
Last phone call: mom... ::shudders::
Last CD played: hall and oates disk 2
Last annoyance: phone call from mom... (we are not getting along right now - can you tell?)
Last soda drank: orange!
Last ice cream eaten: some haagen daaz come to think of it... it's still in the freezer at school.
Last time scolded: umm. i don't know.
Last shirt worn: mighty mouse shirt
Last website visited: this one.

NOW
Single or Taken:single
Sex:girl
Birthday: January 26th, 1985
Sign: aquarius
Siblings: tim (24) and tj (17)
Hair color: brown
Eye color: Hazel
Shoe size : 7.5
Height: 5'3.5"

11:04 pm: here we go.
ok so, i decided to move out of this crappy place. (like it matters, i'm barely here anyway...)

right now i live with my mom. i'm never here but to sleep, wake up and shower. it's like 30 min. away from the highway and it's a sucky drive and a waste of gas. but, it has the pipeline, the cable tv, the big, closed in yard that my dog lives in...

well, i haven't been home in the last weeks so my dog has gotten to a point where she's so bored that she became destructive. she tore a whole strip of siding off the side of the house... mom flipped out.

so, her "brilliant" solution was to chain her up. this is not a suitable option... i will not stand for it. so, i begged dad to get a fence for his yard (which he is going to do in the next week) and i'm moving in - with my dog.

now, how will this help the problem? you see... my mom is a complete and total clean freak and not a dog person. i absolutly hate it. the dog is allowed inside on days when it's raining, too cold, too hot, and night time. she resides in our finished basement. this to me is total neglect because the FAMILY pet is not apart of the FAMILY. at dad's house she is allowed to be with us and you know what? she's a perfect angel.

so my mind is made up.

and many people are sick of hearing me bitch and pout and be depressed about it... it's not as easy as it sounds. there's the whole money issue. who pays for who? currently my dad pays child support because i am a full time college student living at mom's house. well, mom says she's going to stop paying for school if i move out. (which is supposed to be a threat i guess...?) but, dad would stop paying for my child support... and the whole thing is hell-torched.

dude whatever. all i know is my dog isn't living with - hey she's like the aunt (?) in lady and the tramp... with the two cats... yea my mom's like that. stupid bitch. anyway. there ya go.

04:32 pm: look everyone! i'm HOME!
::gasp::

can you believe i'm in northco?

it's been two weeks. i've been living at holly's housesitting house which is like 5 min. away from FU. it worked out great cuz of play rehersals and the play opened on thursday.

well, it's been going... i can't say it's been an absolute hit like wonder of the world cuz the audience is kind of in a state of confusion with the language... damn irish dialect. but, i'm enjoying it. so what the hell.

i have to find some thank you cards... and get gas. i am so broke.

omg! how about some good news... I HAVE AN INTERVIEW WITH BUILD A BEAR ON SUNDAY!! this definatly is a good sign. i've been telling myself that i need to get going on this job search as soon as this play is over and it ends on sunday... it works out perfectly.

also, i found out where to go to take rejis classes for the dispatching job... something else i'm about to jump into.

i'm slowly climbing out of this hole that i jumped into mid-january.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

gotta go get ready for the play. 2 more shows to go. being assistant stage man. isn't bad... cept that i keep getting splashed and poked and ketchupy. hehe. exactly.

bye!

03:54 am: well, that's odd.
i totally updated this around 9:00 but, it didn't work. oh well, there wasn't much to say really... but i'm back from fraileys and i can't sleep. so much fun.

i sang a bunch tonight! i sang you've got a friend with holly but, since it was the james taylor version and not the carole king version, annie and dan helped us sing it. then i sang ricky (a weird al parody of "hey mickey") with dan. that was fun. :0) and then i put in for all the "FU" people to sing stand by me by ben e. king and i was so upset when it was like 1:00 and we didn't sing it but, christian surprised me and had it go last... everyone got up there, everyone. there's was like 15 people on that tiny stage belting out stand by me.

ah. memories.

then kareem drove me to jon's house cuz we were gonna hang out there and on the way he got pulled over cuz he had a headlight out and he just looks suspicious... his car is all loud and crapped up and they asked him if there was any guns in the car. poor kareemy.

and then i come home at like 3:30 and find out that my crazy aunt is spending the night and sleeping downstairs (my poor puppy!) she's schizo... for real, that's not being sarcastic. she really is and it freaks me out. so yea. that's my night. i'm gonna go get some sleep now. HAPPY EASTER!

11:12 pm: i got home last night at 3:30. got julie's post. i knew this day was coming some time soon...

kimmie, we miss you.

we focused lights and painted the set today. all i could think of was that day, i remember when i got to school everyone was standing around. i got to the theater and i saw people crying... my stomach dropped cuz i knew something was wrong.

that's all i can remember.

well, that and the tears. tears from so many different people.

she was amazing, she was gonna go somewhere and be something.

07:29 pm: ::yawn::
i still haven't woke up today... i've been going through this day half awake.

yesterday all hell broke loose. katie's dog was being put down and her family brought him by so she could say goodbye.

dan went to the warehouse to get some wood for the set and hit a rabbit. when he realized it wasn't dead he scooped him up (it wasn't bleeding but couldn't walk) and drove it to the vet to see if they could help him. he called me 20 minutes later to tell me that they couldn't do anything... it was very depressing but, he's compassionate enough to take it to the vet. that was cute...

then mike and rory had another rumble. they need to stay away from each other. lots of tension and some very bad vibes...

then we had rehersal (which katie and i, the stage manager and assist. stage manager was 20 min. late for... oh well) and i drank 44 oz of sprite/cherry flavor/caffine booster from quik trip so i couldn't sit still nor pay attention.

then jenny and i finished hanging the lights which we got done really quickly... then she came back over here to pick a song for lighting design and i stayed up looking up songs for the show (did you know all irish jigs sound the same?)

anywayz, i've taken sporatic naps through the day and i think i might stop at fraileys tonight...

byeeeeeee

12:46 am: i'm going insane.
can somebody please tell me what's wrong with me?

these thoughts get in my head...

we should hook up but -

i know we never will.

enough about that...

my play is going. i tried to organize my thoughts a little. every time i read it i can picture what i want to happen. writing it will be fairly easy... making it a play that'll actually work will be another story.

yet more rehersals, this is the week where we start putting the set up again. i'm pulling an all nighter (or giving myself a two hour nap) cuz i have some work to do...

i did absolutly nothing this weekend. i should've went to fraileys but i just wanted to be home for awhile. i haven't been home all week. and i wanted to mess with all this music on my puter. i am obsessed over music. there's so much out there. i want it all. that is virtually impossible but, i'm trying to expose myself to a little of everything.

alright. i gotta get going on these papers.

11:31 pm: whoa. hey.
i figured i'd update. it's been awhile.

things have been crazy. i've been home enough to go to sleep and wake up and leave. i swear things would be a hell of a lot better if i didnt live up in noco.

can't wait till i move in holly's house... ::crossing fingers::

playboy of the western world is the play we're putting on. (the irish accent thing). it's starting to come together. today we told the director that lily quit and he almost shit his pants. charlie (a fan-freaking tastic actor) walked in and was like "what happened?" and we told him lily quit the show and he (he was in on this) threw his script to the floor and said, "well - fuck!" and then dan got up real quick and said, "i'm out too." and abruptly left the room. this is when we all broke out into laughter. we got sommers real good.

besides that i can't say anything new has happened. just been at rehersals every night it seems.

i decided to start writing again. i fell in love with this story from a book i got a year ago. i decided to turn it into a play... if i start now, maybe it'll be good enough to perform and direct at FU in a couple years. that would be kick ass... i could even submit it to actf... yea right.

well, i'm gonna get - i'm gonna do some psych in the morn.

i wanna work on this play before my short term memory loss kicks in and i loose everything.

09:59 pm: hmm
ok so it's been an odd week.

it started out really crappy.

this whole guy thing is driving me insane. i have a... "thing" for one of my friends. (for sake of anything i leave him anonymous) well, i'm worried that one of my loud mouth friends told him anything and another friend i should just leave it alone, another says to go for it,

hmmmm...

i'm not sure what i want. i like him - i think. i'm not sure. i really don't know him as well as i know other guy friends so i really don't know what to think. one friend thinks we would be the cutest couple (possibly because we're alike and have common interests and think the same way). and like i said before another friend thinks i should just let it go cuz i shouldn't be dating guys in the same group. i see her point. in this particular group everyone knows everything about each other. it's god awful.

so, i haven't really acted on these feelings... well, i sort of have in a nonchalant kinda "hey you're my friend" sort of way. i'm not all flirty like i am with my other guy friends.

and what makes me not act upon these feelings is the fact that he doesn't have feelings for me. what happened on saturday was i got jealous (i guess)... i realized that this guy had feelings for another chick.

one friend (the positive one) says to not give up cuz she could definatly see something going on. i'm worried that the loud obnoxious told him something and that he knows and was like "no way, i like adfhfsdiaofh. (or whoever)" ... maybe that's why they stopped running their mouths.

and what if he does know? that's a huge problem! god! i hate this!

meanwhile, a part of me wants to say move on... i'm hanging out with a lot of cool people tomorrow, maybe those boys will help me take my mind off of this impossible situation that i dread...

like i said... maybe in the future, maybe never...

who knows.